Commencement

commencement_1If I gave the commencement speech at my graduation, this is how I would start:

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. These words are symbolic of the relations of the citizens of Rome shared, and I believe that each student at Indiana University shares this same bond. Although, let us hope this act does not end in homicide. As Hoosiers, we stand for the same values, the same customs, and started from the bottom and now look where we are now. We are here. In this auditorium. Look to your left, see your classmates being honoured with a graduation cap. Look to your right. They have worked so much for each one of their degrees. And every single person in this room began at orientation, had their picture taken, and watched the same musical, where the famous line “I’m not that drunk” originated, and was repeated for many years afterward, disregarding that Hoosiers have never lost a tailgate since we drin– I mean work together. And now that we are all gathered in this room together. Because we struggled together and we have created this relationship that will last a lifetime. But now we must part ways to further our careers.

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Signs of the Times

screen-shot-2016-10-16-at-9-25-25-pmA new trend has come to my attention that worries me. It is a sign of a change in culture and frankly, a turn for the worse. Personally, I believe that it is a sign that America is becoming lazier and lazier by the year, and this dreadful happening that is picking up an absurd amount of momentum that leaves me quite surprised on how this cultural phenomenon has gained all of this favorability. And, of course, I am talking about the increasing popularity of the so-called “man bun” or to some, a “mun.”

Now this is not just about this completely uncalled for, lazy hairstyle, but it represents a cultural change on the macro-scale. If you ever talk to someone with a man but, they are usually a college-type hipster who are “not like everyone else” and have a journal dedicated to screenplay writing in the local, unique Starbucks coffee shop on the corner street. The man bun represents this hipster subculture. Now, if these man buns are becoming more and more popular, this means that hipsters are becoming increasingly prominent in today’s society.

An regressing society is never beneficial to the human race, yet the crux of the issue is since the increased amount of man buns in the United States is changing the very definition of a hipster. A hipster is someone who is expressly unique. If everyone is unique, is anyone really? The classic line from The Incredibles said by the infamous Syndrome “If everyone’s super, no one will be.”

To play off the stereotype of the hipster’s uniqueness, what would happen if everyone were to be a hipster? A problem arises where the hipster minority becomes the more common and superior culture of America. The regular suited businessman would become the minority and a person who wears hawaiian button downs or ironic t-shirts would be favoured. A whole new culture  would be born where formal wear to work would not be standardised, and instead people would wear flashy, more distracting clothing that are not suitable for the workplace. Therefore, work progress would decrease and the whole of society would be slowed, possibly to the point of halt or even regression.

Therefore, with all of this potential social crisis, society must stop and consider controlling the spread of the man bun. If caution is not taken,  political turmoil is eminent.

Disclaimer: This article is satire. I do not condone or hold the assumptions made in this article to be true. I do understand this is a great use of the slippery-slope tactic. 

Guns on College Campuses

guns_on_campusThe university of Texas have recently announced that they are allowing people to carry concealed weapons on their campus. Now, this is not as serious as allowing middle school or high school students to carry a gun to class, but there has been recent shootings on college campuses. The most recent shooting that I have heard is at Indiana’s Ball State University. Two Guys entered the campus, both wielding .25 pistols, shooting erratically. The whole campus proceeded to be on lockdown while the police handled the situation. Meanwhile, a dear friend of mine was texting me the details, from underneath her desk. The police were able to detain these two gentlemen, without any injuries or casualties to civilians.

Of course this brings up the debate on gun control. If students and faculty members were allowed guns on campus, this issue would have been resolved in less than one minute. The response time for police and ambulance and other emergency vehicles are about 6-10 minutes, plus an extra few minutes to set up a safe perimeter; whereas a law-abiding citizen with a concealed firearm could disarm the tense situation without injury. With the knowledge that some people carry weapons on the campus, criminals may think twice before they start shooting innocent civilians.

The counter argument is that police go through extensive training in order to detain perpetrators without the use of lethal force. In order to obtain a concealed carry license, one does not have to go through any training; it would be a shoot-off until either the criminal or the citizen is dead.

Another argument against allowing guns on campus is that it would put a weapon in a safe place. There would always be the potential of a shooting; and on a college campus where people are stressed to no end; it could cause a mental breakdown ending in a mass shooting or suicide.

Recently, an organization called Students for Concealed Carry have formed on college campuses across the country, including Indiana University. At the activities fair, many people signed a petition to allow students on the IUB campus to carry concealed firearms.

But Texas is Texas and like anything, it is 20/20 hindsight. We will see how the allowance of firearms on a college campus turns out.

Campus Life: Bikes or Skateboards?

pictures-kids-bicycle-skateboard-scooter-100052008342When you walk around the campus of Indiana University, you notice two things:

  1. The campus is absolutely beautiful
  2. Everything is so far apart

With these two things in mind, one can only imagine how long it takes to get from one side or another. Since there are only sidewalks on campus, cars are not the most viable options, so that only leaves a few of options. These include many forms of wheeled transportations, such as bikes, scooters, skateboards, and roller blades, etc.

But since you do not want to look like a friggin’ nerd and this is not the 1970s, you really are only left with two options: the fast and efficient bike, or the badass leisureliness of the skateboard.

The quickness of a bike is certainly one thing to consider for the bicycle. It is a nice and fast way to get from point A to point B without too much of a hassle. However, there is a con to riding a bike on campus: everyone hates you.

The fact of the matter is if you are riding a bike, you are honestly the worst thing on earth to pedestrians because bikes come out of nowhere and have the potential to blind side you. If you are in fact riding a bike and cut off a pedestrian, you actually give them a heart attack. No one wants to be hit by a bike, so the fact that the possibility is there makes the average pedestrian anxious.

Now, if you are riding a skateboard, everyone is jealous of you. You are really super-cool skater boi who poses no threat to a walking pedestrian because let’s face it, we can just push you off your little wooden plank. The skateboard has its cons though, because it is quite a lot slower and harder to control than a bike. One would definitely have to practice skateboarding before plunging into the mess that is the 9:55 am walk back from class.

So, all things considered, the bike is probably the more viable option for traveling across campus. But since everyone hates you, you will have more time to study for the class that you arrive 20 minutes before everyone else so what else do you have to do with your life?